We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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