Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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