We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
