apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
