So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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