Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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