i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this will be a night to untag.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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