So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
