winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
