i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
