My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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