Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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