apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
