I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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