I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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