it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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