I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
