..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
