Will you blow on my dice?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
