Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
