He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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