HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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