So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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