dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
