who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
