hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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