Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
