I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
