dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
