Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
