Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
