you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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