i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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