She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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