All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
