I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
