Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
