nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
