When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
