Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
