I have demons in me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
