btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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