I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
