Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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