brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
