I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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