overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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