Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
