You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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