Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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