fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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