I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
